Show Notes
Enjoy a quirky take on tech with PLSJ’s Technology Coordinator O.J. Meeks.
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Episode Transcript
Speaker 1 00:00:08 Welcome to pls J'S podcast, where the public library of Steubenville and Jefferson County shares with you. Our favorite quirky questions finds out what leaders in our community are reading interviews, local authors, and so much more.
Speaker 2 00:00:27 Hello? Hi. Welcome to another episode of Technically Speaking. My name is OJ Meeks. I am the tech coordinator for the Public Library of Steubenville and Jefferson County. I love telling people about some of my wow tech help sessions. Today I'm going to tell you a story about an interesting cell phone situation. What I am about to tell you is 100% true. As always, as a precaution, I changed the names and some other information that might divulge the identity of the wonderful people in my stories. Okay, let's get started. One day at the library, I answered a call from a lady that wanted to schedule a tech help session. She seemed to be a very nice lady, just a little odd to protect her identity. I will call her Lucy Lasagna. Lucy Lasagna had the most beautiful New Zealand accent. As Lucy Lasagna was explaining over the phone what her tech problem was. She suddenly emitted this loud ear piercing sound. It was a cross between a war cry, a yell, and some kind of strange yodel. My ears were absolutely ringing After she did this, after my ears recovered, Lucy Lasagna apologized to me. Lucy Lasagna told me
Speaker 3 00:01:42 My cat, Aphrodite loves to urinate on my sofa. My war cry is the only noise annoying enough to get her to stop. Immediately, I'd get rid of that cat if she wasn't so darn beautiful. You puffy little hussy. Don't you try that again. I was wondering if you could help me transfer my contacts and photos from my old phone to my new phone.
Speaker 2 00:02:04 I told her I sure can. So we made the appointment. A few days later in walks Lucy Lasagna ready for her tech help session. I met her in our conference room. She was a very tall woman, almost six feet tall. In fact, she appeared to be in her early thirties. She was wearing a leather medieval type outfit like she was part of a Renaissance fair. Her outfit was striking with brown leather armor, cool looking upper and lower armbands, a Roman styled skirt and leather kneehigh boots. She had long flowing dark hair, mesmerizing beautiful blue eyes, A simply goddess like smile and, well, I'm just gonna say it. This woman was unbelievably gorgeous. I mean, wow. I cannot possibly put this woman's beauty into a proper perspective. L. Let me put it to you this way, and I'm not complaining, but if I am meeting an attractive woman for tech help, they must be 50 or more years older than me. As a general rule, I somehow got words to actually come out of my mouth by saying, hello. I'm OJ pleased to meet you. This beautiful lady said, my name is
Speaker 3 00:03:19 Lucy Lasagna, but my friends call me
Speaker 2 00:03:22 Zina. I wasn't yet her friend, so I called her Lucy Lasagna. Did I mention how strikingly beautiful this woman was? She could stop traffic. In fact, I know I heard an ambulance outside after she walked in. Yep, I know someone crashed looking at her. I just know it. Lucy Lasagna sat her old phone on the table in front of us. It was just a cheap run of the mill Android track phone. Nothing remarkable about it at all. Well, except for the fact that the entire phone spun her on the table like a needle in a compass. I thought this to be odd, but quickly focused my attention on her new phone. Her new phone was still in its unopened box. This was a little bit concerning because I had no idea how much battery life it had left. Not a problem though, because it came with a charger. I booted up. Lucy Lasagna's new phone and quickly set up her account. Her new phone was low on battery power, so I plugged it in to later begin transferring contact info and photos. I asked Lucy Lasagna if her old phone had been backed up to the cloud. Lucy Lasagna asked me,
Speaker 3 00:04:30 What's the cloud?
Speaker 2 00:04:32 I told Lucy Lasagna that the cloud is a place to back up all of the photos and contacts from her old phone so that we can transfer them to her new phone. Lucy Lasagna had a worried look on her face, on her beautiful face. I assured her, this isn't a problem. I see it all the time. I will back up your old phone to the cloud manually. No trouble at all or so I thought. I picked up her old phone and began the backup process. As I examined this strange shaped phone, I figured out why this phone spun like a compass needle on the table. There was a golf ball size bulge coming out of the back of her phone. Even the screen was raised a bit by this protrusion. Despite this, the phone still worked. Lucy Lasagna told me it was flaky at times though she said she never knew how much battery life she had left. I was perplexed by this odd shaped phone. I asked Lucy Lasagna if she had ever dropped it. Lucy Lasagna answered.
Speaker 3 00:05:29 Sure, I've dropped it several times on my enemy's heads.
Speaker 2 00:05:35 That was an odd thing to say. I thought. Then it hit me. It was as clear to me as a razor edge chakra is round. The lithium ion battery in her phone had swelled pushing itself outward stranding the casing and the screen. I had heard of this watch videos of this, but never had I seen it in the wild here in my very hands. Could well be a ticking time bomb. I calmly told Lucy Lasagna, the battery in your old phone has swollen to an unsafe degree. This is a fire hazard. It could burst into flames at any second. This phone needs shut off and taken to the nearest e-Waste Recycling Center. Lucy Lasagna reached out across the table and took my hand in hers. I melted immediately. I was now a melted hunk of protoplasm, just happy to be existing. As Lucy Lasagna held on to my melted hand. She asked
Speaker 3 00:06:33 Then, how are we going to get my contacts and my pictures of my dear friend Gabrielle to my new phone? I can't bear to lose them.
Speaker 2 00:06:43 I confidently told Lucy Lasagna, I am not going to let that happen. I immediately went to work. I went into her cloud setting to back up her old phone. Then the phone shut itself off. Immediately. I booted the phone back up and went into the cloud settings once again. I started the backup process. When the screen went out, Lucy Lasagna was now sitting right beside me. Her shoulder was against mine. She smacked that phone screen so hard. It fizzled back to life. I could smell the distinct odor of electrical parts starting to burn. I looked at her and for a split second, our eyes locked onto one another. I didn't care that this phone could explode. Sending me soaring in pieces to Mount Olympus at any second, Gabrielle must be saved. The phone's battery life was 85% seconds later, 60%, then 15%. I had no idea how much time I had to perform what seemed to me the most important task of my entire life.
Speaker 2 00:07:47 Lucy Lasagna sat closer to me. Still. I could smell her sweet breath. I could feel her desire to keep her phone going long enough to finish what I was doing. The room felt a little hotter. As I struggled with this phone. Lucy Lasagna cheered me on telling me, you can do this. The phone itself started to get warm. I smelled more burning electrical parts, but I soldiered on the phone, made sizzling sounds. The screen died. Once again. Lucy lasagna shocked it back to life with another crushing blow from her hand, her beautiful hand. The plastic started to melt. My hands were uncomfortably warm, but I would not drop that phone. Nothing could have pried my hands away from that phone except for success. I managed to upload all of her photos and contact info into the cloud. Seconds later, the phone just died. I knew it would never be able to function again.
Speaker 2 00:08:49 I carelessly laid the old phone on the table. It literally burnt a hole through the wooden tabletop, fell to the floor and scorched the carpet down to the concrete. Underneath that was one exceedingly hot phone. I then successfully transferred all of Lucy Lasagna's contacts and photos from the cloud to her new phone. I noticed something unusual when we were reviewing her contacts to make sure they all transferred properly. Usually I see names like Jordan, Esme, Levi, or Gabriela. But on her phone, I saw some truly unique names listed. I asked Lucy Lasagna. I don't want to ask, but I simply have to ask. You have some very interesting names in your contacts. Could you tell me about some of them? Lucy Lasagna told me,
Speaker 3 00:09:42 Ask away.
Speaker 2 00:09:44 I saw her cat. Aphrodite was first. I didn't know why her cat would have a phone, so I asked her about it. Lucy Lasagna's eyes narrowed as she explained.
Speaker 3 00:09:53 I keep that puffy little Hussey's phone beside my couch at all times. I call her several times a day. My war cries. The ringtone on her phone seems to keep her at bay, but I used to get complaints from the neighbors about the ringtone. Me and my neighbors have come to an understanding. They don't complain anymore.
Speaker 2 00:10:16 And then I asked about, um, someone named Aries. Why? Why does Aries have 20 different phone numbers? Lucy Lasagna replied,
Speaker 3 00:10:27 Because Aries is evil, he always changes his number so he can try to get me to do something bad. I never fall for it though.
Speaker 2 00:10:36 All right. I said, who on earth is autologous? It looks like he and someone named Bruce Campbell have the exact same phone number. Lucy Lasagna answered.
Speaker 3 00:10:49 Autologus is a master at bypassing certain security protocols that rudely get in the way of acquiring an item. He is also quite the proficient escape artist.
Speaker 2 00:11:00 Okay? I said, what about Calisto? That's a unique name. Lucy Lasagna said,
Speaker 3 00:11:06 Calisto is my arch nemesis. I never talked to her, but I'd like to know when she calls.
Speaker 2 00:11:15 What about Hercules? I asked Lucy Lasagna replied,
Speaker 3 00:11:19 Hercules is a dear old friend. We were in the same industry and we help each other out.
Speaker 2 00:11:25 I did not want to ask what this industry was and Jocker the mighty. Who was he? I asked. Lucy Lasagna laughed hysterically and said,
Speaker 3 00:11:35 <laugh> Jocker. Jocker isn't very smart. He gets in a lot of trouble, but he has a heart of gold.
Speaker 2 00:11:44 I informed Lucy Lasagna. I think we transferred everything. I believe you were good to go, but I was thinking I didn't want to see her go. We stood up. Lucy Lasagna held out her hand to shake mine. I shook her hand into my surprise. She leaned in close and gave me a light kiss to my cheek. Ah, I melded into Protoplasm once again. She told me
Speaker 3 00:12:13 I'd better get out of here. Argo is waiting and he probably isn't very happy.
Speaker 2 00:12:19 I asked, is Argo your boyfriend? Lucy? Lasagna laughed hysterically once again and replied,
Speaker 3 00:12:26 No. Argo is my horse. Sorry, I'm sort of double parked. Argo is quite a large horse. He takes up a couple parking spaces, Hey, I'm hungry. Wanna go grab something to eat my treat?
Speaker 2 00:12:44 I don't even remember if I said yes. The next thing I knew, I was in the library parking lot beside Argo, her giant, I mean gigantic freaking horse. He looked like some kind of mythical war beast. I told Lucy Lasagna, I think we need a ladder to get on Argo. Lucy Lasagna informed me.
Speaker 3 00:13:05 I usually mount him like this.
Speaker 2 00:13:07 Lucy Lasagna jumped some 30 feet into the air, performed an amazingly powerful back flip, double twist, triple tuck with an unbelievably perfect landing on top of giant Argo. I got a ladder from the garage and got on Giant Argo behind her. Lucy Lasagna told me,
Speaker 3 00:13:29 Hold on tight.
Speaker 2 00:13:31 She didn't have to tell me twice off. We went on the first of many, many lunches, breakfasts, dinners and battles. Okay? Okay. I know that was a bit unbelievable. I must confess I did fudge the truth just a little bit, but I can guarantee it was at least 10%. Totally true. I hope you all have a very nice and happy Valentine's Day, and I'll see you next time.
Speaker 1 00:14:07 Thanks for listening to pls J'S podcast. Visit us in person at your library branch or [email protected].
